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Episode 225, Intimacy in Relationships, Part 1

August 19, 20236 min read

Intimacy in Relationships, Part 1, Show Notes

In this episode of the Motor City Hypnotist Podcast, we are discussing intimacy in relationships.

And I’m also going to be giving listeners a FREE HYPNOSIS GUIDE!  Stay tuned!


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Relationships encompass more than just romantic feelings and passion. They are characterized by the ability to feel secure and intimate with your partner on all levels. It involves wholeheartedly sharing yourself with another person, forming a deep connection beyond mere infatuation.

Intimacy goes beyond just romantic relationships. Understanding the various levels of intimacy can help you foster deeper connections in all your relationships, not just the romantic ones. Having knowledge about these levels allows you to be more intentional and purposeful when cultivating intimacy with others.

Levels of Intimacy


1 – Safe Communication. 

The level of intimacy in everyday communication with strangers is generally low. It's the kind of interaction we often have with people we don't know well, like the casual chat with a supermarket checkout girl or a brief conversation with someone at a retail store.

When it comes to using facts and information in writing, the risk of rejection is minimal or virtually nonexistent. Since personal feelings and opinions are not involved, the content tends to be more objective and less likely to be criticized or disagreed with.


2 – Sharing Other Peoples’ Opinions and Beliefs.  

During this stage, we tend to open up and reveal more about ourselves by referencing what others say or believe. This can be done in a subtle manner, such as mentioning what our boss always says or commenting on a recent news event . By doing so, we gauge the other person's reaction and gain further insights into their thoughts and opinions.. When faced with individuals who hold different opinions, it is common to feel uneasy or threatened by potential criticism or rejection. In such situations, it is natural to distance ourselves as a protective response.


3 – Sharing Our Own Personal Opinions and Beliefs. 

When we express our thoughts, opinions, and beliefs, there is a certain level of risk involved. It opens us up to vulnerability as others may not agree or understand our perspective. However, if the outcome doesn't align with our expectations, we have the option to acknowledge that we've reconsidered or gained further insight. This allows us to avoid potential conflicts or emotional distress.


4 – Our Own Feelings and Experiences. 

As we deepen our connections with others, we often progress to a higher level of vulnerability and intimacy. This is when we feel comfortable enough to share our own personal feelings and experiences. It involves being open about both our successes and failures, as well as expressing our joys and hopes for the future. Feeling rejected or criticized can be a challenging and sometimes risky experience. Unlike external factors that can be changed, such as circumstances or events, our emotions and perceptions are more difficult to alter. This can make it harder to cope with negative experiences or change how we feel about them.

In the event that conflict arises, it is possible to persuade the other person by highlighting examples from our past and emphasizing personal growth and change.


5: Our Own Needs, Emotions and Desires. 

The level of intimacy that goes beyond the surface requires a significant amount of trust in a relationship. When we feel completely secure with someone, we are more open to revealing our true selves at the deepest level. This kind of intimacy is personal and allows for a close connection between individuals. During certain moments in a relationship, it's essential to openly express our feelings and needs. These instances often involve sharing statements such as "I feel hurt because you forgot our anniversary," or "I need assurance that you'll support me at the party." Additionally, topics like financial disparities may give rise to feelings of guilt and be brought up, along with heartfelt statements expressing a desire for a lifelong commitment.

At times, we reveal our true emotions to others, vulnerability and all. While we may project an image of success to the outside world, only our closest confidants truly understand the impact of setbacks such as losing a client on our emotional well-being.


Intimacy Takes Time


Reaching level five in a relationship requires time, effort, and perseverance. It's not an easy journey as it may involve facing challenges, receiving feedback and criticism, and experiencing rejection along the way. Moreover, both individuals involved in the relationship need to actively progress through each level together for a successful outcome. When it comes to achieving true intimacy in a relationship, it is important for both partners to be on the same page. If one partner is sharing their deepest feelings and experiences (level four) while the other is only expressing opinions and beliefs (level three), a genuine connection may not be formed. While you may feel closer due to your openness, it can create a false illusion of intimacy. It's crucial for both partners to communicate and share at similar levels in order to foster genuine emotional closeness.

Intimacy can be measured by considering the level of vulnerability shown by the less vulnerable person in a relationship.


Sex can be a False Sense of Intimacy

Level 5 represents the ideal scenario for having a healthy and safe sexual experience. It is characterized by feeling unconditional love and trust towards your partner, which allows for a deep connection and the ability to fully give oneself to each other. This level of intimacy enhances the overall enjoyment of sex.

Engaging in sexual activity at different stages of a relationship is possible. However, it's important to note that without a strong foundation of trust, the vulnerability associated with sex may lead to feelings of anxiety, fear, and distrust. Trust serves as a crucial component for fostering healthy and fulfilling sexual experiences.



Photo show and tell

Practice being Present

The Revealing Game

1.      Something on my mind is….

2.      I’m looking forward to….

3.      Something making me happy recently is…..

4.      I have been struggling recently with….

The Six Second Kiss

One study* in Germany in the 1980s showed some even more profound effects:

Men who kissed their wives before going to work in the morning lived an average of five years longer than husbands who didn’t. And, they earned 20-35% more money.

Relationship Check In

Hugging Until Relaxed

Together Activities



NEXT EPISODE: Intimacy in Relationships, Part 2


Change your thinking, change your life!

Laugh hard, run fast, be kind. 

David R. Wright MA, LPC, CHT

The Motor City Hypnotist

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